I write every day,
I teach martial arts,
I design jewelry,
I am a dancer
I compose music and choreograph dances,
I also do graphic design and video editing
I am a conscious parenting educator.
I give talks, workshops and private consultations to families.
What do I want to do?
I do a lot of things,
and yet I feel like I still don’t know what I want to do with my life.
It is a funny feeling.
It just came up on me a couple of months ago
when I realized that something was missing.
I felt like I hadn’t quite touched on a particular depth inside.
I have many goals that I want to achieve.
I have achieved many goals already.
I feel like there is a goal or a direction
that I haven’t even conceived of yet.
So here I am with all these things on the go
and still seeking something else.
Helen Teaches Me About Honouring Authentic Desire
This weekend I was talking with my dear friend Helen.
She was telling me about this experience she had
where she realized she was settling for something much less
than what her authentic desire was.
When she realized it she immediately felt like
she needed to honour the depth of what she really wanted.
In a way she had never even allowed herself to recognize
or to even ask for what she really wanted.
Feeling Worthy To Ask
We hypothesized that perhaps she didn’t feel worthy
or that she didn’t believe it was possible
so she didn’t even bother asking.
We were thinking that the hesitation to believe in our heart’s desires
likely also comes from childhood programming
where so many things we ask for are denied us.
When we hear NO so often
it becomes habitual for us to feel like we cannot get what we truly want.
Embrace and Embody Your Desires
When she had this realization she suddenly took it upon herself
to embrace and embody the qualities that she was seeking.
It was so empowering and liberating for her
that she could literally feel her life change in that moment.
Do I Believe I’m Worthy Of True Abundance?
As she was telling me this story I felt like it really related to my current situation.
Perhaps the reason I am unsure about my current life direction
is because I am not allowing myself to ask for what I really want?
Perhaps I don’t feel worthy of embracing my true heart’s desire?
Perhaps I don’t think it’s possible or at least possible for me?
I don’t know exactly what might be holding me back,
but I do know that I want to break through whatever obstacle is before me
and claim my deep desire for my life.
I Want To Believe
I want to believe that I can be everything that I want to be,
do everything that I want to do,
and have everything that I want to have.
I want to believe that the infinite power inside me can achieve anything.
Even if it seems impossible to my rational mind.
Especially if it seems impossible to my rational mind.
Thinking this way is very exciting for me.
I feel like if I can keep myself from hiding in the corner and cowering in fear
then perhaps there is some potential here.
This will of course require a certain change from my normal patterns.
I have a significant ability to sabotage myself
and would very much prefer not to.
What Do I Want?
I am seeking answers to the questions
What do I want to be?
What do I want to do?
What do I want to have?
What quality of life do I want?
I am burning these questions into my consciousness
without trying to force an answer.
I am listening to the wisdom of my consciousness
my heart, my higher self, my inner Teacher.
Asking and Listening
Really finding an answer to a question this deep
is about continuous asking and continuous listening.
This requires significant patience.
When I get a sense an answer I will be sure to share it with you!