Texting With My 18 Year Old
Look at the graphic above.
It is a text exchange between my daughter and I from this evening.
In it I mention to her that I am coming home soon and her reaction is to type
Best Friends With My Teenager
My daughter is 18 years old
and her reaction to hearing that I’m coming home
is to say “Aawwesooome”.
In my observation there aren’t a whole lot of 18 year olds
who respond so excitedly and positively
about something as simple as
their father coming home after being out for the afternoon.
I feel so fortunate and blessed
that we have such a close and loving relationship.
Work At Your Relationship So That Your Kid Is Delighted To See You
I would like to suggest that all parents have as one of their goals
to create such a relationship with their children
that when they are 18 and you text them to say you’re coming home
they will respond in a similar fashion.
This might seem like a superficial goal,
but in fact to achieve such a state requires a lot of work.
Much Effort is Required
Much effort, thought and persistence goes into
the development of a deep relationship like this.
There is a lot of inner work that must be done.
A new paradigm of parenting is necessary.
Break Away From The Traditional Parenting Model
Part of the work I did was a
Complete and continual reworking of
my relationship to my past.
For it was the programming of my past that
tempted me to react with the traditional parenting model.
In order to treat my daughter in such a way
that we have maintained a mutual respect and friendship
throughout all these years
I have had to change my inner landscape dramatically.
As she develops into a confident and powerful young womyn
I also have to continue changing to keep up with her.
When I have an exchange with her
like I did on text today
it makes it all worthwhile.
Will Your Kid Want To Hang Out With You When They’re 18?
The next time you are going to interact with your child in some way,
especially when it is around something you think they have done wrong,
think very deeply about if you are presenting yourself
as somebody that they would want to hang out with when they are 18.
This was something I kept in the front of my mind all along.
When I was tempted to control, punish or lecture my daughter
I always asked myself:
“Is this going to make her want to be my friend when she is an adult?”
Always always the answer was clear.
Treat her with kindness, respect and love.
The kind of person she is
and the relationship that we enjoy today
shows me that this approach has worked very well.
You might say that this approach is Awwesooome!