a well behaved child should never be the goal
“Well Behaved Child” is NOT a Compliment!

When we say that a child is well behaved we usually mean that they aren’t bothering adults.
Like when a kid is quiet in a restaurant we might call them well behaved.
If a kid is running around in a restaurant we might be less inclined to use that label!

The problem with this view is that
when we look at the behaviour of children
we are focussing on the EFFECT.
This is only the surface.

When we focus on thoughts and feelings
we are working with the CAUSE.
This is the depth.

When people say your kid is well behaved
that usually means they are not being inconvenienced by them.

Work With Kids From The Inside Out

“Good” behaviour is fine if it springs naturally from the inside,
but it should never be the goal.
Never.

Deep feeling,
profound self-knowledge,
self-love and self-esteem,
empathy,
independent thinking,
creative problem solving,
FUN, JOY…

These things should be our goals for our kids!

Who They Are Is More Important Than How They Behave

If we focus on the centre rather than the surface
then our kids behaviour will spring from their inner world.
To ever focus on the surface instead of the centre
is to miss the deep opportunity that exists in every moment
to connect, educate and inspire.

For me who they are is always more important than what they do.
Emphasizing love, connection, communication, logic and reason
helps to build their personalities, their inner world.

When Kids Are Whole On The Inside
Their Behaviour Reflects That Automatically

Then natural empathy and respect will be the result.
They will care for others naturally and just because.
Not because we’ve told them to,
Not because we disapprove or punish if they don’t.

If we do this then we’re not making good behaviour the goal,
we’re making wholeness, love and empathy the goal
and allowing them to express those qualities however is right for them.

Instead of being puppets of our programming
they learn to look within and make independent choices.

Teaching Decision Making Can Be Very Challenging

The difficult thing about teaching kids to make good choices from the inside out
is that we have to allow them to make lots and lots of “bad” choices
and then to learn from them together.

Also sometimes what WE think are “bad” choices
THEY might think are good ones and that’s okay too.

In fact it’s often better because what we really want them to learn
is to evaluate things on their own, not to just mimic how we see the world.
We really have to let go of being in control.

Independent decision making is possibly
one of the most important skills we can impart.

Much better than sculpting them to be “Well Behaved!”

“Well Behaved Child” is NOT a Compliment!

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