The More We Develop, The More Open We Become
I’ve been learning these days that
the more I know about myself and
the inwardly stronger I get,
the more vulnerable and open I can be.
Not just can be… but I’m moved to be.
It is an interesting development
that I didn’t quite see coming.
Vulnerability Is an Outgrowth of Strength
I have known for quite a while that
vulnerability is a form of strength.
But I didn’t know that vulnerability is also
an outgrowth of strength.
Creating an Armour of Protection
When I was younger I used to feel like
I had to protect myself from
the onslaughts of the world.
I created a hard shell around my heart
to keep myself from getting hurt.
The thing about that shell is
while it didn’t allow potentially dangerous things in,
it also kept certain things from getting out.
This meant that much of my authentic self
was kept hidden from the world
It’s not unreasonable that I did this
because I was trying to protect my inner core.
When we are born into this mad mad world
we come in pure, open, innocent and full of love.
It Is Not Safe To Expose Our Natural Selves
We have no real filters or armour
around the shining light that we are.
But we certainly learn to protect ourselves quickly
because we are shown that
it is not safe to expose our natural selves.
It is not safe to expose it to our parents or to our relatives.
As we grow it is not safe to expose it at school
to our teachers or our peers.
The pattern is set early
and unchecked it can last a lifetime.
I No Longer Want To Protect Myself
Now here I am about to turn 47 in just a couple of weeks
and I no longer want to have an armour around my heart.
I no longer want to protect myself.
It doesn’t mean I’m going to let you walk all over me,
but it does mean that I want to stop hiding
who I really am and what I really feel.
As I was writing the last couple lines
the depth of it hit me so strongly that
I just collapsed on the floor in a heap of emotion.
I asked my daughter to come out and take my picture
so you could see exactly where I landed.
You also get to see the outfit I wear around the house!
The Danger of Being Vulnerable
There’s always that danger that if I expose to the world
who I really am then people won’t like me.
I think I am now of the state of mind that
I would rather be not liked for being who I really am
than be loved by everybody for wearing a mask.
Loved for Who I Really Am
I would rather have one person
who knows me and loves me for who I am,
all my flaws, all my faults
all the joy and pain that I have inside me
rather than hundreds of people loving me,
but not knowing who I am.
Take the Risk
Another danger is that when I expose my vulnerabilities
I give people the opportunity to hurt me.
I am realizing that without this
danger present in relationship
I cannot truly connect or trust other people.
If I want to connect heart to heart
then I must lay myself bare and
take the risk of getting hurt.
This is especially difficult after
getting hurt over and over.
It requires a significant conscious decision
to continue along the vulnerable path.
Part of the work I am doing is
to be vulnerable with my own self
The more I can accept all of who I am
the safer I will feel to expose it to others.
There Is Magic In Genuine Connecting
There have been times that friends
have become very vulnerable with me.
They have exposed deep longing, pain
and shared their dreams and desires.
There are times when I have experienced people
who dropped their armour around me and
lay themselves open or at least more open
than we normally experience.
I always feel profoundly moved,
even altered when this happens.
There is magic in genuine connecting.
I know others are similarly affected when I do the same.
We Are All On This Journey Together
This is another reason why I think it is important
to share who I am with the world,
because it affects all of us.
We are all on this journey together
and the more we support each other
the better off we all are.
So I will keep on this path of vulnerability and strength.
Vulnerability that comes from strength and
strength that comes from vulnerability