Remember that scene in The Matrix
when neo stops the bullets?
He was running from the agents
and Agent Smith caught up with him.
Without saying a word
Smith shot him in the chest like 20 times.
He died in the matrix and he died in real life.
Then Trinity kissed him and
told him that she loves him
and he came back to life.
A New Perspective
This time when he went to face the agent
he no longer saw the physical reality around him,
but instead he could see the code of the matrix.
With just a thought he was able to stop the bullets
that were raining down upon him.
This deeper insight, seeing what was beneath
the appearance of the moment
gave him the power to stop the attacks
and deal with them from a place of calm centeredness.
For your viewing pleasure:
I love this scene on so many levels.
It is extremely poignant when thinking about parenting.
The Matrix of Parenting
When Neo was running from the agents
he was dealing with the apparent reality of his situation.
Working with this level simply got him a shot in the chest!
It may have looked at one point
like he was going to get away,
but the agents caught up with him at the last second.
After he died and came back to life
suddenly he could see the code of the matrix.
He could see the information beneath the surface.
Looking Deeper Than the Surface
As parents when we deal with the surface of a situation
we are also likely to get shot in the chest!
The situation with kids is usually how they are behaving in the moment.
Negative behaviours such as
disobedience, defiance, talking back or being rude
can be very difficult and emotional to deal with.
The thing is when kids are behaving this way
there is always an underlying reason.
It is usually based on emotions, thoughts,
misunderstandings, assumptions or unmet needs.
Connect on a Deeper Level
When we are able to connect with them on a deeper level,
when we are able to operate from the code
that is beneath the surface
rather than the behaviour they are exhibiting in the moment
then we have a much greater chance of helping them
with what they are going through.
Learn The Code
Learning what the code is,
how to read it
and even how to operate it
is what I teach in the my conscious parenting workshops,
classes and private consultations.
It is a deep and involved subject.
I have been studying it, writing about it
and working with it for many years.
Even to this day I continue to learn and deepen
my understanding of the code!
The Parenting Code.
Make A Habit Of Looking Beneath The Surface
In general though, if you can make the effort
to look beneath the surface of what is happening
and get in touch with the feelings and needs being expressed
you’ll find it much easier to connect with your kids
in difficult moments.
They will also feel that you’re seeing them
and hearing them in a very deep way.
Doing this on a consistent basis will decrease resistance
and make them feel more open to your love and guidance.