Saying No becomes a habit
A lot of the time we say no to our kids out of habit, frustration or lack of patience.
Sometimes it is necessary, but I would say most times it isn’t.
The more we can say yes to our kids the more they will be open and trusting with us.
Self – analysis is challenging and essential
I think it is worthwhile to closely analyze why we are saying no. Perhaps it can help us convert some of them to Yes.
NO you’re too young to wear makeup
For example, your 12 year old wants to wear makeup.
Your first instinct is to say no. You’re too young, it’s not appropriate.
I suggest if you are going to ask her to not wear makeup be prepared to have a very clear explanation of why that is good for her. I mean, why is it good for her to not wear makeup.
Saying she’s too young isn’t really a reason. Can you explain it in a way that shows her how your desire to say no actually BENEFITS her?
We must answer the question “What’s in it for me?”
Because her natural question is “What’s in it for me?” Really all of us have this question beneath the surface.
If she is able to truly understand why it is good for her, then I think she will trust you and accept it.
If it is difficult for you to come up with a coherent explanation you may need to rethink your hesitation.
Modify your NO
Sometimes we can say a modified no that includes a bit of yes in it.
Perhaps you can work out something where she gets to wear makeup once in a while, for the experience, while also spending lots of time without makeup. That way you’re honouring her desire and also your hesitation.
Include your kids in the process
When kids are included in the decision making process they achieve a sense of empowerment.
We want young people to think, to reason and make their own decisions.
We want them to know they have ownership over their own bodies.
We also want them to recognize our life experience and wisdom. We have a role as guide in their lives.
By including them and respecting them
we give our kids more reason to accept our guidance.
This might sound like in talking about 16 year olds, but this applies just as well to a one year old. It may look slightly different in the way you express it, but the essence is the same.
Your one year old has a lot of wisdom.
The challenge of letting go
It is challenging to include them when their desires are in exact opposition to your own. And yet this is perhaps the most important time to do it.
When they witness you bringing them into the decision making process and allowing them to contribute ideas that are different from your own, they feel your trust in them, your belief in them and they will want to keep those things.
“Yes” breeds “Yes”
This is why, well one reason why saying yes to your kids encourages them to say yes to you.
Give this a try and you’ll notice a dramatic increase in the harmony of your home. Resistance falls away and cooperation becomes the norm.
You have the opportunity to create such a wonderful household community!