Growth in the Grocery Store
I was in the grocery store today.
It seems a lot of growth and learning experiences
happen to me in grocery stores!
I was in the grocery store today and a little kid about 7 years old was doing a very enthusiastic dance. He was wiggling his hips and waving his arms all around.
Just as I was approaching him he looked at his mother and said
“Look at what I can do mommy.”
As I passed by him we made eye contact and I said
“Wow! That is a really wonderful dance you’re doing little man.”
He was really happy to receive this unexpected validation and had a smile from ear to ear.
Kids Seek Recognition to Learn About Themselves
It made me think of this phrase
“Look what I can do mommy/daddy.”
It does seem like quite a common thing for children to say.
I could feel this boy’s desire for recognition.
He wanted his efforts, his creativity, his accomplishment to be admired.
He wanted to feel that his contribution was worthwhile.
In receiving even a brief moment of validation from me he was so happy.
I could see that it touched a place deep inside of him.
As young people are growing up and finding themselves
they rely very much upon our opinion of them to form their self-image.
This is why they seek our attention and desire our recognition.
Learning To Live In The World Is Difficult
Coming from the open and free consciousness that newborn babies and babies in the womb have it is quite a difficult process to fit into this world of expectations, rules and limitations.
In that journey our opinion of them matters a lot.
This is why it is important for us to pay close attention to what needs they are expressing in moments like that.
Kids are not showing off nor are they trying to hog attention or manipulate.
They are seeking a sense of who they are in our reflection of them.
You Are A Mirror
You are a mirror to them reflecting their innermost self.
What they believe about themselves is largely created
from the reactions and opinions we offer them.
This is why it is important to remember that parenting
is not so much about the way kids behave, but about how they feel.
How they feel about themselves
how they feel about the world and their place in it
and also how they feel about you
and how much they can rely on you and trust you.
Focus On the Inner, Not The External
When we focus upon these deeper things
rather than manners and external behaviour
we are able to affect deep change
and create powerful attitudes in our children.
In this way we are setting them up with
a strong foundation in which to operate in the world.
It is this foundation that will help them work with whatever adversity comes their way.
All of us face adversity throughout our lives and it is our foundational sense of what is possible, what we are capable of that determines how well we will deal with them.
Conscious Parenting Requires Us To Be… Conscious
For me this kind of parenting requires a moment by moment awareness
on what effect I’m having on my daughters consciousness.
It is not easy to do this
In fact it requires gut-wrenching and painful self-regulation.
And yet in the long run this is a much more effective method
because it touches on the cause of things rather than the effects.
When our main focus is on building our children up
rather than controlling their behaviour
they feel it and respond to us in a much more positive way.