Asking my Daughter for Feedback
Relationships are fluid entities
If we don’t learn to flow along with them
we will soon find ourselves in trouble.
Relationships are fluid entities
because humans are fluid entities.
We are always changing.
Be aware of the changes in yourself and the other
Part of effective relationships maintenance
is to be looking out for the changes
in yourself and in the other.
As we notice changes we must be
ready and willing to adapt to them.
This means adding another layer of change.
We already are changing naturally,
but we have to add conscious change on top of that
to match the changes of the other person.
Working together consciously
It certainly helps if both people in the relationship
are aware of this process.
If everyone involved can engage consciously
then it is much easier to flow.
Communication plays an important role
If we can share our changing needs with each other
then we are not having to guess what
the other person might want from us.
This is very important in parenting as our kids change dramatically as they grow.
Recently I was telling my daughter
that I would like her to express to me
when she wants me to change something
in the way I treat her.
I don’t always know what feels good to her
especially as she is growing and developing.
Having her share her feelings about this with me
will make it much easier for me to respond.
I am human and I make mistakes
I told her that I do my best, but I also make mistakes
and working together we can keep
treating each other in the best way possible
I also said I hope that I can be free with her to to share feedback so that she can do the same thing to me.
Respecting her as an evolving being
When I said this to her she felt deeply respected.
She could feel that I really cared about her experience
and that I was aware of her as and evolving being.
Is also healthy for me to admit to her that
I am flawed and imperfect.
That I also need help in being
the best I can be in our relationship.
This demonstrates that we are truly a partnership
In demonstrating that we have equal responsibility
it makes her feel more responsible in the relationship,
more responsible for the relationship.
Of course in practice I still take
the majority of the responsibility
because that is part of my role.
I am guide,
I am teacher,
I am friend.
Regular Reminders are Useful
I find it useful to have talks like this
with my daughter on a regular basis.
Even though she has always being brought up
with this kind of freedom and respect
sometimes she can forget it.
Especially when she spends
a lot of time with her friends.
Most of her friends do not experience
this kind of freedom and respect
in their own families
They often talk about their parents in a negative way.
How controlling they are,
how little they trust them
or communicate with them.
Parents teach their kids to lie
Certainly most of her friends have learned
to lie to their parents effectively
because if they tell them the truth about
who they are,
what they think
and what they do
they are usually criticized or even punished for it.
So every now and then I remind her that she is free,
she is respected and
she is an equal member
of the family community.
Having the Talk
There is a series of different points that
I will raise with her from time to time.
Usually it is to do with respect, freedom and obedience.
Not in the traditional way
that she should respect me or obey me,
but in fact the opposite.
I want her to know that I respect her and that she does not have to obey me.
I know this can sound quite controversial.
I think one day I will write a whole post on
the different talks that I give her and
what my intention is behind them.
Creating Peace and Harmony
The particular one I mentioned in this bog
is about asking her to mention if
she ever needs me to change how I treat her.
This is part of the process of
consciously engaging in the
change and flow of relationship.
This is so that we can all experience
the highest level of peace and harmony possible.
And that is just awesome!