A Busy Mind – An Unintentional Gift
The Restless Mind
This morning I was meditating
and my mind was very busy.
There was a particular fellow
who kept invading my mental space.
A few days ago I wrote a blog about the Joy Of Being Wrong.
In it I mentioned a discussion I was having on Facebook.
Ran From the Challenge
The discussion started out fairly well,
but it soon became apparent that
the person I was interacting with
was not interested in having
his ideas challenged intelligently.
So he simply backed out of the conversation
when I had raised some good points.
You can read the details of my experience
and what I learned in that blog post.
Today though I noticed that in my meditation
instead of focusing on my breath
I kept replaying the discussion in my mind.
I was imagining different ways I could respond.
It went on and on and eventually
I had to get up and do something else.
I’ve been reflecting on this all day
and have come to a couple of conclusions.
I Still Do Not Like to be Ignored, Dismissed or to be Wrong
I was planning on how to draw him
back into the conversation and then
make it clear to him and everyone
that I was right and my points were to be respected.
Of course I didn’t actually do this,
But my mind was unable to let this go.
This indicates to me yet another area in which
I need to increase the level of how much I love myself.
If I have a need for this kind of recognition
it means that I am not presently
giving that recognition to myself.
Seeking it from an external source,
even an adversarial one
is a weakness that prevents me
from inner peace and stability.
Children Seek Negative Energy
It is also a reflection on how kids use
arguing, defiance and defensiveness
to gain energy in their relationship
with their parents.
Often parents feel at a loss as to
why their kids are behaving in these ways,
but if we can examine our own negative energy needs
we can soon see the benefit
that is derived from these behaviours.
I certainly did this when I was young
and the habit has persisted.
There are Healthier Ways
The thing is there are much better ways
to acquire this kind of energy.
Ways that are more nourishing,
less destructive and
longer lasting in their positive effects.
If we can teach these healthier relationship patterns
to our kids when they are young they won’t have to
act out to receive energy and attention.
An Unintended Gift
The fact that this dude was
invading my meditation
was actually a gift to me.
It highlighted an area that
I was not conscious of
and has given me something
concrete to work on.
It showed me a hole that
I can now fill with love.
It showed me a wound that I was trying
to ease the pain of through external means.
I can now work on healing it
in a deeper and more permanent way.
So I am grateful.
The second learning I gained from this experience
was about how it is a good idea
for me to avoid arguments.
Even though this didn’t look like
an argument at first on the surface,
the signs were there.
If I had been more aware
I could have seen earlier on
that this guy wasn’t truly interested
in investigating the ideas.
I likely wouldn’t have got caught up
in the little bit of drama that ensued.
Letting Go of my Addiction to Arguing
In the past I have been quite addicted to arguing
and it always leaves a residue in my mind,
in my heart and even in my body.
Certainly my inability to meditate this morning
is a good example of the
negative effect that it has on me.
I am thinking that as I work on the first issue
of learning to love myself and heal myself more
that the second issue will also begin to be worked out.
When a Lack of Love is the Problem
More Love is the Solution
As usual when I notice these kind of things
the solution is to be more loving to myself.
This requires a higher level of awareness
and a dedication to doing the work.
The thing is, every time I do put in the work
I have noticed that my life improves.
This is good reason to do what needs to be done.
Perhaps this would be a good time
for me to reread the blog I wrote yesterday entitled
You Are Worthy Of Unconditional Love And Acceptance
That is a lesson I can always use.
Repeat it over and over.
The more I get it, the less I’ll need to argue.
The less I’ll care if someone else chooses not to
engage with me or ignores me.
The less other people will be able to take up
residence in my mind against my will.
The more peace I will have and that is a good thing.