punishment affects the surface

The Less They Deserve It, the More They Need It

One of the hardest and most important things to do for children is to offer them an experience
of love and acceptance when they act badly towards us (or at least what we consider bad).

I am aware that this may run opposite to traditional thinking of how to respond to these types of situations.

I believe that rude, disrespectful, disobedient behaviours…
All these are cries for love and opportunities for us to give deeper love.

Heal Our Own Pain

And yet we have to overcome so much of our own internal programming in order to not react and demand respect or obedience. Especially since we were rarely, if ever given the respect we deserved as children. The conditioning to give love when our kids are disrespectful isn’t in us naturally so we have to overcome our past and choose a new reaction.

It really is our own pain and our own trauma that makes it so difficult. When we get angry, defensive and commanding we are reacting to an inner wound being activated.

So when we engage in the process of healing ourselves, we are making ourselves more able to offer our kids the unconditional love they so deserve.

Try a Different Approach

If your kid says “No I won’t do it, you can’t make me and I hate you!”
Instead of saying “don’t talk to me that way, and you will do it because I said so.”
Try
“I am not going to try and make you do it. I love you more than anything in the world. I can see that you’re upset and I want to make you feel better. What can I do to help you?”
Perhaps accompanied by an unrelenting hug?

Love Affects the Core

What a difference this type of response makes.
To be confronted with such presence and love when one is in pain
(rudeness and disrespect always come from pain)
Is the most powerful way to break through the barrier and touch the heart.

The times we can offer love and acceptance, rather than criticism and punishment, will stay in their hearts forever. It will transform them at the deepest level.

Punishment (often called consequences) can only ever affect the surface.

Love affects the core.

Love Affects the Core

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